Scoop’s Views

Here’s a non-partisan joke going around in email. It’s hilarious, can be enjoyed by both parties, and it may be politically correct. If it isn’t, don’t complain to me because I don’t care.

While walking down the street one day a U.S. senator is hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter who’s standing at the Pearly Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, there seems to be a slight problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, so we’re not quiet sure what to do with you."

"No problem," says the now-dead senator. "Just let me in."

"Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really? But I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the senator.

"I’m sorry, but we must abide by our rules," St. Peter explained.

With that, St. Peter escorts the senator-in-limbo to the elevator. Down, down, down St. Peter and the dead senator go. All the way down to Hell. When the doors open, the senator finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. There’s a clubhouse in the distance, and standing in front of it are all his old friends and other politicians he had worked with years before.

Everyone the dead senator sees in Hell is excited to see him, and all are in formal evening attire. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

After a friendly game of golf, they head off to dine on lobster, caviar, and champagne, just like old times when the senator-in-limbo was a lame duck senator in office.

Also present is the devil, who is a really friendly guy and perfect host, ensuring everyone is having a great time. He even wanders about, reminiscing and telling jokes.

The senator and all his dead friends in Hell are all having such a good time that before he realizes it, it’s time to go. He’s spent a day in Hell, and now it’s off to spend a day in Heaven before making his decision about where to spend eternity.

All his dead friends give him a hearty farewell as the senator-in-limbo waves as the elevator goes up, up up. All the way up to Heaven. When the elevator stops, St. Peter is again waiting for the senator.

"Well, you’ve had your 24 hours in Hell," said St. Peter. "Now it’s time to visit heaven for a day."

During his 24 hours in Heaven, the senator-in-limbo joins a group of contented souls moving from cloud-to-cloud, playing harps and singing. Everyone is having a good time, and before he knows it, the 24 hours in Heaven have passed and St. Peter again makes an appearance.

"Well, you’ve spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now it’s time for you to choose where you will spend eternity," St. Peter said.

The senator reflects for a minute, mulling over both days he’s spent in limbo. After a short pause, he says, "Well, I would never have said this before, but while Heaven was a delightful place to visit, I think I would be better off in hell."

St. Peter escorts the senator-in-limbo to the elevator, and presses the button for the senator-in-limbo to descend deep into Hell. Down, down, down goes the elevator, senator-in-limbo aboard.

When the doors open, the senator’s excited, waiting to get back to the good times with his friends.

When the doors open, though, he’s in the middle of a barren land that’s covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash, putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to now-condemned-for-eternity senator, puts his arm around his shoulder, and says, "What’s wrong?"

"I don’t understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday when I was here, there was a golf course and clubhouse. We ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced, and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage. My friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks the senator squarely in the eye, grins, and says: "Yesterday we were campaigning. You cast your vote today. Party’s over. Welcome to Hell, senator."

Hat tip to Stan M.