Scoop’s Views

A friend, older and wiser about many things in life than I, sent this to me. I cannot vouch for its authenticity, nor for its accuracy. I can all but ask for those older, wiser, and more mature than me to confirm or deny the issues at-hand in this email. Basically: yo, old farts! Is this stuff true? Is this the best of what life has to offer us as we grow older?

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR…

I’ve got bumps and dents and scratches
in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that’s not the worst of it.

My headlights are out of focus
and it’s especially hard
to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful
as it once was.

I slip and slide and skid
and bump into things
even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained
with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach
my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here’s the worst of it

Almost every time I sneeze
cough or sputter…
Either my radiator leaks
or my exhaust backfires!