Scoop’s Views

Below is a joke sent to me by a friend, Stan (aka Stan the Man), an alum at my alma mater who is old enough to be my father, or on a bad day, an older brother.

Stan’s a good guy. He likes to keep busy in real life, and when he isn’t busy, you can tell: he sends tens of email messages, some with photos, some with jokes, others with videos or PowerPoint presentations, and some, well, they have a subject line warning you of “how bad” the content may be, starting with a rating of R, if I recall a message from months ago correctly. You have to appreciate someone who is willing to tag potentially “offensive” messages in the subject line – whether for your own preferences or due to workplace restrictions.

When I read the joke below, I got a great laugh. I could imagine seeing this happen, especially with someone like Stan working as the door greeter. FYI: that’s a compliment.

As many of you know, I had ambitions of finding a simple, uncomplicated part time job after retiring from the Navy. Unfortunately, as I have gotten a little older, I have become a little less sensitive. After landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day.

About two hours into my first day on the job, a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with two kids. She was yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance. As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, “Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to repeat a line seemingly taken from Forrest Gump: “Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s nine and the other one’s seven. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind or just stupid?”

Well, being the greeter and trying to be courteous and polite, I said: “No, ma’am, I’m neither blind nor stupid. I just couldn’t believe you had sex twice. Have a good day and thanks for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work as she led me to the exit, taking my vest and big yellow smiley button.

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