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If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.-
What’s up with dissing yellow?
"Don’t eat the yellow snow!"
I grew up hearing such phrases as, "Don’t eat yellow snow" and "If it’s yellow, let it mellow." Let’s start with the fist one.
Yellow Snow
As a child, were you ever told to not eat the yellow snow? I mean, come on, let’s get real. If the snow is yellow, it means a dog found his way to the snow before you, maybe a cat (or, if you live in the boonies, maybe a deer, skunk, or other critter. Maybe it was one of your friends playing a prank, and out of sheer boredom on Snow Day, mostly because you kept your lazy butt in bed, poured lemonade all over the snow in front of your place. Well, in that case, when you got out there to shovel (yes, even in the days of the dinosaur, the youngest of the family got to shovel!) the sidewalk and steps.
Would you eat yellow snow if you saw it? Seriously. It’s November 12, and here in the Northeastern U.S., that means we are going to start preparing for snowfall. When’s the snow going to arrive? Who knows.
As a kid, I loved it. As I got older, drove far too many miles in the stuff, especially to find a good story, good photos in the sheer boonies of Illinois, and in one too many blizzards — fortunately enough for me, never having found a ditch or any collision in the fluffy, slick white stuff — I still like it. Oh, wait a second. I did have one accident as a result of snow.
Back somewhere are the Winter of 1986, I was driving a Ford Pinto we owned for awhile. It had a manual (stick shift) transmission, and I was doing fine. Yep, it was all good — right until I got to a "Y" in the the road, and had to take the road to the right, which was on a slope. The city didn’t do a great job plowing, and because of that, I was driving cautiously, especially because Pinto’s didn’t have any weight to them. Heck, I could lift the front end of the car off the ground without a jack.
As I slowed up, dropped the car into a lower gear, I watched as the car failed to respond to my turning the steering wheel. Sure enough, there was this triangular island in the middle of the roadway at the "Y" in the road, with a sign indicating the road divided, on a wooden post. BAM!
The front end of the car slapped the sign, snapping the blasted thing in two. It ended up costing me $120 to replace the sign. Because Pinto’s weren’t the safest of all vehicles, it ended up costing me around $150 for a new radiator to be dropped into the car, because the impact of that wooden post was enough to cause the radiator to get punctured somehow.
Of course, and we all know what they say, the city had no liability at all: they plowed. They just didn’t drop salt. They did, however, tell me that there was "sand" in a barrel near the "Y" intersection that I could use next time. To use it, though, I would have to stop in he middle of the road, get out, walk to the "divided road" sign, get sand, toss it all about, then go back to my car and drive. Yeah. Good plan, especially on a busy road. Maybe the city could teach the plow operators how to drop salt as they plow the snow.
Nowadays, as far as I care about snow, it can snow 12 feet in a few hours for all I care. I have a 4-wheel drive SUV, good tires, excellent clearance, and am well-prepared.
But before it begins turning to slush, slop, and instead of looking white, the sun can come out, heat up the entire area to around 80 degrees, and all the snow can melt. In a matter of hours, a major snowstorm can hit the area, let it sit for a few hours so kids can have fun, then, within five hours, it can all melt. Ahhhh … winter paradise.
If it’s yellow, let it mellow
The other saying I often heard about yellow was, "If it’s yellow, let it mellow." Yes, it was referring to the toilet water. It finished up with, "If it’s brown, flush it down." I do trust you understand. If you don’t, go ask one of your elders, as they can help you with all those fine toilet habits, including potty training or housebreaking.
What’s up with the first line of that saying? The line is: "If it’s yellow, let it mellow." Do people really think it’s fine to let that nasty water sit there, in the toilet? Let’s get real. Say it’s two in the afternoon, you run to the bathroom, do your duty, and, based on the saying, you don’t flush. You’re doing your part to conserve water. Yay, you! Well, five minutes later, unexpectedly, one of your friends rings your doorbell, asking if you have a little time, as they need to talk.
Being a friend, you say, "Sure, come on in!" If you deepened your voice, dragged out the words a little, there’s a chance you could possibly be considered for the announcer for the TV game show, Let’s Make A Deal. Maybe the next time they have an opening for the announcer, but right now that job’s filled and you have a friend.
You and your pal sit in the living room, talking. Having manners, you offer coffee, tea, or soda. You have a soda, but your friend opts for coffee. About 40 minutes later, your friend’s body decides it is time to "pay rent" for the coffee, and the person heads off for your bathroom.
If you’re a gal, then your friend isn’t only going to experience the smell of your bodily functions, there’s that nasty wad of tell-tale toilet paper looking up, serving as a target for your friend while he tends to business.
Okay, so aside from conserving water, what’s the point of "letting it mellow," really? When you get down to it, all you are doing by not flushing is saving maybe a penny, if that much, on your water bill. As far as "conserving" water, you aren’t, as it is all recycled. That’s what those giant Water Treatment Plants around the country do every day of they year. They take in dirty water, filter out the nasty stuff, clean it, and send it to your home through a network of pipes.
So, again I ask: What’s up with all this bashing the color yellow?
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