May 15th, 2008
Imagine someone you know going into a coma tomorrow. With the November 2008 Presidential election several months off, they’d have no idea the outcome when they wake from the coma, if ever.
Trying to remain eternally optimistic, though, let’s suppose that person wakes from the coma in 2015, about seven years from now. Can you imagine what a different world it could be?
November 29th, 2007
Crawling out of hiding from a cave in Afghanistan, Osama bin Laden looked at the midnight sky for but 30 seconds before running back inside as quickly as he could. The coward of all cowards didn’t want to take a chance on being spotted by a Predator drone over his cave.
Aside from his rushed once-a-night stroll, the only news about bin Laden in the news recently is that he is accusing NATO troops of killing women and children.
October 17th, 2006
After U.S. District Judge John G. Koeltl pronounced the sentence of 28 months, saying she was guilty of smuggling messages between the Muslim religious dude and his followers, adding that the consequences of her actions could have been “potentially lethal,” she smiled, cried, and hugged supporters, the AP reported.
To warrant his deviation from federal sentencing guidelines that would have put Stewart in prison for 30 years, the pussy-footing judge said Stewart’s 30-plus years of helping poor, disadvantaged, and unpopular clients led him to be lenient. Just shoot me now, please.
